WOW. This has sure been a learning experience! I guess the bottom line is, yes, I am happier today than I was seven years ago. I have an internal peace - the "Eunuch Calm" - that regulates my life now. I had to adjust a bit, but I sure do like who I am today. But who will I be in twenty years? What will my body be like after a long term deficiency? As I look at some of the really old people I see, I get scared, because I know that my peace comes at a price: without testosterone, I will age. The results of my premature testosterone deficiency, will be premature aging. Today I enjoy life in a way I never thought possible. I'm still single and that no longer matters. I've found other things to do and no longer "miss" the partner I don't have. I wish I had known as much about hormones in 2001 as I do today. Part of me thinks that I would not have been castrated the first time, had I known all I know today. I was unhappy with my past. I am happy with my present. But I am a bit afraid of my future. The bottom line is, I'm an Eunuch and I can't change that. More importantly, I don't think I would change it if I could.
		September 30, 2007
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